I am so lost ..

I agree with what I last wrote (on FB)

First rule: always ignore yourself. Second rule: always listen to yourself.
Third rule: stop wasting your time thinking about nothing. Fourth rule: think about nothing and waste your time.

It is .. this is hard work. There are so many negatives .. not often wanted, or included, or invited, or .. or .. or ..

She even asks me why my voice changes, or that things are worse, things changing .. AAaahhhh

I don't know what to do! Everyone gets minutes .. hours .. of her social time. I get moments .. and then she turns away.

I don't live in FB, so she never talks.










I don't know if I should be positive, or negative .. or simply not there.

Did you know ..


I am one of the very few who has survived an event that, ordinarily, would give us our final breathe. There are weeks where, although the body is performing its basic requirements, most of it's actions are performed by a puppeteer with no synchronicity .. the mind is fixed in, and fixated by, it's own vocabulary of 3hree words .. bah!


I'm lost in this meander ..


I think I am loosing something that has become the +most+ important part of my 40 years. 


I need .. something .. 

Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide

I can't hide anymore ..
2 years ago I met some1ne special. She is nothing short of an Angel.
1 year ago everything started to stop.
Today .. feels like it is over. No, she has not said those words but .. she does nothing else.
Besides .. there is another she has seen .. she loves Green, and his home has so much grass ..
---

Some few already know, fewer still understand
And now there's nowhere to hold on by hand
Spinning and falling, aches hard to withstand
No balance, no control, my head is buried in sand
At first it was an accident, it was completely unplanned
And what I was shown allowed my whole life to expand
Now I recall where I've been, I've seen Heaven is Grand
But now, and forever .. I have been banned
---

I found 1ne who is .. or was Perfect, and who I will never forget .. and probably never see again.