I simply .. don't know

Take it from me, I've never been to Heaven, but there are some (very) real Angels here on Earth.

I fell deeply, and irreversibly, in love with an Angel. It's taken me 40 years to find someone of this caliber, mostly because I couldn't believe a perfect dream would exist in reality. Being in her presence gave me the sensation that I was in Heaven with her.

The first year helped us build a sound & solid foundation .. then something when wrong.

There are a few parts that I cannot mention, even in my own personal writings, so I do not know how much weight or impact they have had on us. Having said that, I can write my own opinion ..

While helping an Angel to learn to fly, I have broken both her wings.

And she is .. gone.

I don't know what to do.

Learning to Learn .. again

I’m not entirely sure I’m able to give a ‘compete rundown’; there will be so many things I forget to include or information I haven’t included. More so, I cannot be sure about some parts of it if I am correct .. or wrong. Still .. there was something I wanted to write now.

You know, artists from any genre always begin with a single ‘need’, or even a ‘want’. We start using the common & well-known tools of any trade, without being shown how. In time we all go through some education and/or observation, to increase our own capacity and become self-mindful of where we are going. Using all of our senses allows us to know something of our creations, and develop our own individual opinions. We are, after all, created so we can create.

The rise and fall of many artists, including anything they have created (finished or not is irreverent) is a little more we learn about those artists. I think this is a good combination of ‘education and observation’ or ‘monkey see, monkey do’. Don’t misunderstand the previous sentence; this is NOT a personal opinion of any one or any thing.

The last few years of when I was still living in Australia, I was no longer in a relationship, no longer living near family or friends, and no longer really sure about anything. Thinking about it now, I was coming to the end of my (software development) career without being aware of it, and I had started doing a few things that I (also) wasn’t aware of .. Abstract Photography, & Abstract Writing.

The English word ‘Abstract’, in a simple term, is ‘existing only as an idea (or theory), not as a physical thing’. I hadn’t even considered what I was .. doing to be abstract, I was just trying to create things I liked. The few things I still have, from that time period, still bring smiles to my face.

About halfway through that year I put my old career to bed, and began a new one in a new country. I, quite literally, ‘shook my world around, and up-side-down’. The ‘art’ that I was still creating had grown its own nervous system, and entwined itself with my own. By this stage I was comfortably aware of ‘existing only as an idea’, both as my creations and my personality. The confidence I had was never affected by others opinions of my ‘art’, not that many saw it. It was never ‘for sale’, and it was never ‘restricted’ for seeing. Life was good.

Ten months later, I had an accident that shook my world so much that I .. fell off Planet Earth. I had to return home and learn (again) some of the basic human skills .. speaking and walking. It took 12 months before I could return to my new career.

During that long climb back up to the mountain, I have lost a few of the things I had before. Abstract Photography is something that I can still create, but it always feels like a ‘photocopy’ of what I've already done in the past .. and again .. and again. For the work that I have done here, it is obvious to me how ‘unimpressed’ most people are with what they see and I’m rarely (if ever) asked to photograph again.

Abstract Writing is something that I have not been able to begin .. at all. I read some, in books and on the internet .. even Facebook (!) .. I admire a lot of it, and a few that would still give me that good combination of ‘education and observation’. So far, though, there is little more than ‘Oh, wet pet’ that I can write (and that isn't even mine anyway!).

Being self-aware of my art from my past, I am partially unable to have it with me here in the present .. this has had an impact of lowering my confidence, and it created something else that I wasn't aware of .. ‘being critically self-critical’. In a different story on a different subject, I’m not going to write about critical things either, but I’m happy that I’m (finally) remembering to keep teaching myself the ‘basic human skills’.

Everyday observation teaches me more than any book, lesson, or teacher, could. The down side being that I am sometimes quiet with a group of people, and that usually prevents those people from inviting me again. I have lost more friends than I could comfortably count, but in the end those friends have helped teach me something I had lost once before.

One more thing. For the longest time I have been single .. by choice. We all have different attributes that appeal us about a partner, but I never really looked hard .. the attributes I would have been looking for would never be found on Earth. It’s easy to say that only Angels have wings, so that has been my first requirement. I can honestly say that I had always known I would never experience the joy of having the company of an Angel. Until now.

Yes .. it has happened, and it still continues to happen. Even after having known this Angel for a few years, she still ‘takes my breath away’.

Life, as it is now, is something I had never planned .. and I still have not. That doesn't mean I don’t know where I’m going, but not having a plan is giving me so much more than I would expect if I had a plan. So life is good. I know I’ll never stop learning, and I honestly hope that I’ll never stop sharing it all with some1ne.


Peace
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